~Eye-Magi-Nations Creations~

Another vintage column from the YEAR 2002

for Issue number 38, 2009

A Short, But Important, Sentence
by Jack Rinella

Like many submissives, my slave Patrick is a quiet person, not given to 
volunteering a great deal of information. It’s natural for him to remain alone, 
involved in his own projects, attentive to my needs but often very 
inconspicuous. We agree that slaves should be “seen and not heard,” to 
paraphrase my mother’s dictum to my brother and me.

So I was pleasantly surprised this morning when he commented that “Play last 
night was fun, Sir.” I wasn’t so surprised that it was fun as it most certainly 
was, but rather that he mentioned it to me. He is very sparse on the comments, 
to be sure, but that sentence was important.

Verbal feedback is really of the highest importance in what we do. Last night, 
for instance, I had been inspired by a recent porno movie to wrap Patrick in 
plastic wrap. I know that he enjoys bondage and the mummification shown in the 
movie was a real turn-on to me so I waited for the right time, namely when we 
had no reason to get up the next morning, and wrapped him in plastic, 
reinforcing stress areas with duct tape.

I get my enjoyment from bondage because it allows me full reign on his body 
without his squirming and yelling getting in my way. The wrap is a means to an 
end, his immobility, not an end in itself, though he would probably like it that 
way.

So there he was with only his feet, mouth, and nose exposed as I lay him on the 
bed. Now it was time for seeing how effective my “lip training” had been, as I 
applied four clothespins to his mouth. In order to distract him from that pain, 
I carefully cut the wrap around his dick and added clothespins, first to his 
scrotum and then to his prick. Sadism is so much fun.

Anyway, to get back to the meat of this essay, you can see why Patrick’s 
positive feedback is important. We’re playing at a level of intensity that 
scares off most people, so knowing that he enjoys it is particularly important.

I know that some of you think that if he were a real slave, his opinion wouldn’t 
matter. In that case I dare say you err. If partners, no matter how 
dominant/submissive their relationship, don’t get tangible benefits from their 
mutual play, they are going to stop playing. It’s as simple as that.

The “I have no limits” crowd don’t know what they are saying, as our bodies will 
react strongly when our instincts and our fears feel the need to protect us. 
Quite frankly it’s much easier to stop sooner than later, because if you don’t 
the blow-up will not be fun.

In the early stages of our SM experience, feedback is given through the use of 
safe words. Experienced players, on the other hand, often don’t use safe words, 
as they develop a keen awareness of what works and what doesn’t and have honed 
their instinct, their ESP, and their ability to read body language.

As Master Panman wrote in the most recent issue of Collars Newsletter: “Is there 
such a thing as having no safe word? I don’t use safe words but, then, My own 
eroticism is stimulated by knowing (visibly and audibly) that the slave hungers 
for what I am giving him and wants more. For Me the slave’s demeanor is a safe 
word and has often times been more ‘safe’ than the slave wanted.” 

In spite of my use of instinct, ESP, and the reading of body language, it is a 
plain fact that neither masters nor slaves are mind readers. For that reason it 
is imperative that partners inform one another about their feelings, fears, 
thoughts, and desires. Once we begin to cease to communicate on meaningful 
levels, relationships fail, even if it takes years for us to discover that such 
has become the case.

Feedback during the event is certainly essential but so is the need to 
communicate in a more formal setting, where the accoutrements of whips and 
chains aren’t a distraction. Patrick and I have a regular Sunday night “check in 
time” where we are both free to express our feelings and desires. It is a simple 
routine that most often indicates there is nothing to discuss, but at least we 
have made the time available.

Occasionally, of course, we do need to talk, even when we think we have said 
enough.

That was brought home to me last weekend. I think we were playing and I said 
something that now totally escapes me. Patrick then commented that he thought 
the demands I made during our sex/play were simply part of the play and had no 
real meaning out of that context. For months now (ten to be exact) I have been 
telling him I wanted more slavery, more obedience, more submission, and more 
control.

He had no idea that I meant it in the context of our total relationship. He 
naturally took that in the context of our BDSM and received it as hot talk in 
bed. 

Though it was certainly that, I meant it as much more, as I had begun to become 
dissatisfied with non-sexual variables in our relationship, many over which 
neither of us has any control, such as when he gets home from work and which 
chores get done first, or at all. Even so, I had never said this outside of the 
bedroom so it was natural for him to take it in that context. His comment that I 
only meant it as play, turned a light bulb on for me.

I made a mental note to speak to the situation in a non-threatening, non-sexual 
venue, when we could discuss what I wanted and what I meant. The next day I did 
so and it was then that the lights went on for Patrick as well, for now he knew 
how I felt and what I wanted, actions that resonated with his desires as well.

Gags may have their place in our dungeons, but every once in a while you’ve got 
to take them off, share your thoughts, and listen as well.

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or visit my 
website at “http://www.LeatherViews.com”. Copyright 2002 by Jack Rinella, all 
rights reserved.

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For the latest news on my campaign go to www.friendsforjoelaiacona.org or my 
blog at http://joe4forty.blogspot.com.